"There is nothing here,"
and everything listened.
And once he had its attention,
he explained nothing,
as if it were something,
in fact, as if it were everything
and more.
The man said
that all that is
is man
and man creates all
that is,
including that which created man
which man has made
nothing,
just like itself.
said the man,
even though these things
are nothing at all,
but simply things
that the nothing
(man)
wants to make.
telling other men
to tell other men
to do everything,
since all was nothing,
said the man,
and men needed something to do.
When questioned,
the man said
the questions
(like everything)
were nothing,
and he was everything,
since he was right.
And after the man said everything
something came
out of the nothing,
something that was always there,
but hid in the nothing
watching everything,
including
the man, who had said
the something
was no longer anything.
And the something
made the man
into nothing.
And everything
except the man
was still there.
And the man had nothing to say.
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5 comments:
I wrote this poem in college, but I've always thought it could be improved and that it was worthy of improvement. So, to satisfy Sujay and to keep from being the lazy bum on this blog, here you go! Suggestions more than welcome.
Thanks a lot!!! Me is smilin'.
You've said "everything" so very well, and left me with "nothing" more to say, although I wanted to say "something", there aint "anything" better than whats said.
;)
I remember this one. Still like it. Nice commentary on post-modernism. Brings back memories of upsetting Dr. Baliff.
Here's a stanza by stanza nit picking:
stanza 1:
No nits.
stanza 2:
Lines 4 & 5 - might be better as 1 line.
So might lines 7 & 8.
"Just like itself" puzzled me a little.
stanza 3:
Maybe end it after "Nothing at all," or drop "(man.)"
stanza 4:
I'd drop line 7.
Maybe "things to do?"
stanza 7:
drop And
stanza 8:
I actually wonder if you need this stanza.
stanza 9:
If you do try it without stanza 8, maybe play with how this one starts.
It's a cool poem. In your mind, is the something meaning, or God, or maybe both?
You could read it as a commentary on nihilism too. Reminds of "I Heart Huckabees" and also kind of reminds me of one of the Nazradeen jokes that Coleman Barks used to tell.
Nazradeen finds a magic wand.
He waves it.
A man at a patent desk appears.
The man says "We don't give patents on new age paraphernalia."
So Nazradeen waves the wand and the man disappears.
In a way it's sort of the inverse of that. I think. Now I'm getting dizzy.
I was trying out all the little nits that plg suggested and I went mad.
hoodawg-> the poem's great, you shouldnt have asked for suggestions ;)
On the meaning issue, for me, it's a critique of Nietzschean thought -- I wrote it right after being forced to read Nietzche in a political philosophy class. In a broader way, though, it could be thought of as the absurdity of any construct or overarching theory that seeks to explain the world (and the things in it) by denying it.
To answer your question, Phil -- for me, the "something" is God lurking in the ether.
Thanks for the suggestions. I've tried to play with the line breaks over time, and they tend to shift depending on the point I want to make that day. As for stanza 2, you're supposed to be puzzled. I'll think about the length of 3. 7 and 8 used to be one stanza, but I liked how, suddenly, once the something showed up, things get very simple and direct, short and to-the-point. It's "reality" slapping the reader in the face.
Thanks for the props, Sujay!
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